What
Since the start of the pandemic, my routine has definitely changed. It did cast a behavioural shift in my way of handling things. I was missing a sense of calmness in my day to day life. A lot changed in this one and a half years and my mind is still trying to find peace with all of this. My workspace one fine day shifted 24*7 completely to my bedroom like everyone else in the IT industry. The Bangalore traffic gave me a sense of forgetfulness from the work related things, and I had all my anger already vented out in the traffic.
I felt "my mom's world is small at home because all she has to talk to, is my grandfather during the whole day, she overthinks things as she doesn't have a world outside home". After the pandemic, my world has also become small and there is no demarcation between work and home. Being someone who is not an introvert but definitely not an extrovert, it does take time to adjust to the new normal.
Changes in work, grandfather's severe Azheimer's, raging pandemic and subsequently grandfather's death definitely caused a void in purpose of life.
If I look back, the past one and a half years didn't carry just stress and problems, it brought in lot of happy moments as well like I got promoted, a small project we started to give back to SRE community (School of SRE) is an instant hit, my mom watches more documentary than I do and our viewing tastes match. I read in one of the answers on quora, "The reason why parents look completely out- fashioned to us is because we learnt the world through them, then we left them somewhere and started learning the world on our own and think we are right and parents are outdated. But they are standing where we have left them, this causes generation gap". Probably the generation gap I think is blurring in my case.
Since I'm overthinking without the Bangalore traffic and faces to see, I decided to pick up something to keep my mind in peace. I tried picking up something new and learning it but the exhaustion in me didn't let to learn anything new. Now I'm following the reading suggestions by
Dialogues With Books in Bangalore every week and trying to keep myself up to speed with the schedule. This blog is going to be random thoughts when I read books every week. Since I see less faces, stuffing all the thoughts to few friends I talk to or to my mother will be overwhelming for them and unnecessary as well. They might not have so much enthusiasm I do. I thought of putting these thoughts as a youtube video, but I felt more comfortable leaving them as free flow text here. This way thoughts are flushed out of my head and I don't overthink anything as they are flushed out.
Book this week
Synopsis from Goodreads:
An eleven-year-old’s world is upended by political turmoil in this “lyrically ambitious tale of exile and reunification” (Kirkus Reviews) from an award-winning poet, based on true events in Chile
My thoughts while reading
This is not a review. Snapshot of streams of thoughts that went through as I read the book. These are my thoughts and not intended to offend anybody.
Celeste the narrator lives in Valparaiso, Chile. First time I heard Chile is in my 7th Standard Geography. We had South America as a chapter. I vaguely remember Atacama desert, Mount Andes, Aconcagua and Amazon from the class. Infact I just know these 4 topography names. Our Geography teacher Mr. Johnson had a knack of awarding high marks to the fellow who fills paper and not based on the content. In one of our mid terms I had Geography and History exam on same day. I studied History thoroughly(not remembering what I studied today) but just memorised the above 4 names in Geography. I remember scoring a 100% in Geography and not a score to be remembered in History.
Next time I came across South America other than Brazil for football, Zika outbreaks, Rio Carnival, Rio Olympics is in this youtube
video where two Indians travelled the length of South America in a motor bike.
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Map from indianembassysantiago.gov.in
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Celeste is an inquisitive child. Her parents are liberal and are quite modern. Her grandmother Abuela Frida was a Jewish refugee from Austria when Hitler took over Austria. Celeste has a caring nanny Delfina. It is a picture perfect family.
Celeste, one fine day sees more ships in Valparaiso harbor. Later slowly school kids stop coming to school. Celeste comes to know from her parents that Chile is going through a coup and the General is against socialist policies of the democratic elected President. Based on the description the regime looks like a typical fascist autocratic regimes. They look more patriarchal, regressive and undemocratic as there are instances where Abuela asks Celeste to dress modestly, Cristobal gets beaten up for talking to Celeste, regime destroys books on socialism and even ones on Darwin's evolution, the General calls Chile Fatherland and disappearance of non like-minded people.
Celeste really misses her friends in school as they disappear but wants to continue to go to school as that way she atleast sees different faces, breathes fresh air and her routine is not changed. Change is gradual. I had felt some kind of emptiness when somebody close to me leaves school. I didn't know what the feeling was but as a child it was forgotten faster.
As I was saying at the prologue that I am trying hard to come in terms with the current world after pandemic. Children today are going through even more changes than adults. They don't get to see their classmates like early. I don't know what kids play these days inside classrooms. No more imaginative stories during lunch break. Kids now see the world through their parents eyes and electronic screen. Of-course I see lot of kids playing these days in the neighbourhood, but I feel the relationship that school fosters is lost. Though schools are right now demarcated based on social structure by fees, I feel still schools foster diversity on caste, and languages(in metros like Bangalore). I used to see kids of different languages play together speaking in English in my community. Now for some reason I see kids speak similar tongue when they cycle, may be observational bias. These kids are learning new words like "quarantine", "mutation" and are getting subjected to unknowns whether would school reopen, is there an exam. Lot of their friends would have changed to different schools and towns without a good bye. Celeste also learns new words like "disappear", "Subversive", "Exile".
Onboarding new remote employee is difficult, think of onboarding new admission to school completely remote. I liked new admission during my school time as they bring with them new stories. Sometimes I feel I'm like Celeste but actually I find too much difference as the story progressed. Coincidentally, we have a talk show
Neeya Naana and this covered online classes and what students feel to some extent this week. I find it surprising that there is no policy, academic research on remote education especially to the junior level kids and research on the impact it has caused to their psychology. After all even after this growth we talk about, I feel, survival of the fittest is what humankind is still following
Added to this, my mom has discovered a documentary
"Most Dangerous Ways to School". I don't even want to think of the change this pandemic has brought to such determined kids
Going back to Celeste, Celeste's parents have to go in hiding as they supported the ousted President during election. Immediately Celeste is also sent in exile to USA because they fear harm to her. Celeste looks matured for her age in USA. She is taken care by her aunt Tia in the north America on the Atlantic shore. The differences in climate pattern in Northern and Southern Hemisphere(Summer/Winter Christmas), language, general ideology of the two countries are beautifully explained. US kids appear bullies and Celeste becomes friend with Kim who looks from description is from a North Korean family in exile. Celeste wins friendship of American kids as well in the process.
The original author's whole family exiles to USA after the coup in reality. She should be atleast 20 years old during the coup. For some reason thats why I feel some thoughts are matured and complicated for an eleven year old in the book. But the changes one has to undergo to fit the standard population is as difficult as it is described there. Though kids are cruel, they might embrace change and accept Celeste as one among them faster than grown ups who have grown with ideology. In-fact I feel I have wasted a portion of my lift on a debate whether to live how I feel or how to fit in the community and another portion on how to fit in the bell curve of the community. In-fact the pioneers of bell curve are not the project managers, but the community. The community lets you believe, inside the bell curve is safe to live and nobody notices you and everybody will accept you
There are some theories that USA actually funded the coup as they didn't want Chile to become a socialist country, Irony is no popular media in USA covered stories of Chile, no people knew where Chile is, or how to pronounce Chile. I learnt how to pronounce
Chile yesterday after trying all variation in mind Chilly, Chail etc
On further digging the novel is very loosely based on coup. Names of leaders were changed. Infact its said normalcy returned in 2.5-3 years. But normalcy didn't return atleast till the start of the millenium in Chile. Probably later accounts based on Covid would also show Covid as a blip. Hope it stays a blip and it doesn't leave a mark.
So Celeste comes back to Chile after roughly 3 years. She finds her grandmother and Delfina but her parents haven't returned. With Cristobal's help, she travels south as Cristobal's mystic pendulum points that direction. After few efforts she finds her father. Though raising the stakes to reach the goal is a technique to make readers get glued, I find efforts succeeding in a normal straight line is less likely in reality.
"Fortune favors the brave". Bravery comes once and despair comes on failure. May be many winners had their victory in straight line as Celeste had in finding her father. A part of me is happy that atleast her sufferings are coming to an end, a part of me is jealous(no diplomatic thoughts as I reproduce what I feel in that instant) that her sufferings are coming to an end so easily, a part of me thinks this is how people are optimistic always and look immatured with their plans without having any contingency. Since the author never had to search her father in real life, I felt this part is similar to one of the dreams I have about me in future which I later brush aside as an impossibility. I couldn't connect this part as I was able to connect to the earlier parts of the story
Soon Celeste's mother joins them from her hiding. Exiles are painful. I think its not covered very emotionally because it would have been too much for a 13 year old to understand and would have gone over her head. Chile soon has a women President(in reality not until 2006). Celesta pitches for free literacy across Chile and gives back her scholarship to run a travelling library. Chile honors Celesta with an award for that and story comes to an end. There are still missing people like Lucillia. The world probably moves on as void created by missing people slowly disappears and forgetfulness creep in. To be honest, Celeste and her friends try hard to find Lucillia but there is no point in hanging there and not moving forward.
Adios
Your heart holds the answer you need
I liked this phrase in this book though I couldn't connect to that whole part of the book. When you are unsure about a decision I personally believe talking to oneself gives clarity.
We will see next week with a new book if I have time to complete by next week else will pick one from stash. But hoping that the dumping of brain would continue here. One carry away from the book is
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